2026-03-06_email_note-from-dad-apostles

From: jason.heywood@gmail.com To: kaitlynn.heywood@missionary.org CC: kaitlynn.heywood@gmail.com Date: 2026-03-06 Subject: A Note From Dad (And a Few Apostles)

My dear amazing daughter Kaitlynn,

I love you. Mom loves you. And most enthusiastically, God loves you wholly and completely, without reservation or condition. That is where this letter begins, and that is where it ends. Everything in between is just me trying to help you remember what you already know.

I spoke with Mom and she let me know the turmoil you've been going through about college and life and all the things when you get back. You are scared and hesitating to move forward because you are suddenly unsure of the answer you received and don't want to make the wrong choice. Because if you make the wrong choice, then your life is preeeetty much over. You'll end up being a spinsta, pushing a shopping cart and selling chiclets to tourists in downtown Salt Lake to afford food for your ungrateful cat. I totally get it.

But here is the good news…

You have already received your answer.

The Lord did not leave you guessing. The way this whole thing unfolded with you and Natalie was nothing short of a miracle. What you saw was a tiny window into a choice made on a call that lasted maybe an hour. What Mom and I have seen over the last several weeks and months was an amazing young woman at war with herself (Nata), knowing what was right, knowing what she should do, but fighting it. Then in one call, ONE CALL, that all ended. It ended because of the influence of her big sister (YOU). Through your influence, the Spirit was FINALLY able to open her heart. You helped her be willing to hear and commit. Mom and I watched a miracle happen in real time. Suddenly all the pieces fit. Natalie's mission became clear, BYU Provo made sense, and the Spirit confirmed it to all of us in that remarkable way. Your earlier doubts were not confusion. They were the Lord clearing the path. At that moment we all felt the rightness of BYU Provo, and you did too.

So here is a loving but direct question: Why are you asking the same question again? When we keep returning to a question the Lord has already answered, we are not seeking more light. We are choosing anxiety over faith. Elder Holland would call that "drawing back." Paul called it casting away your confidence. The Lord calls it fear, and He is very clear about fear.

Cast not away therefore your confidence, which hath great recompence of reward. For ye have need of patience, that, after ye have done the will of God, ye might receive the promise. Hebrews 10:35-36 Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, "Cast Not Away Therefore Your Confidence"

Elder Holland taught that one of the adversary's most effective tactics is not to stop you from receiving an answer. It is to make you doubt the answer after you have already received it. He described how, after Moses had one of the greatest visions in human history, Satan immediately appeared and tried to shake him. The timing was no accident. The enemy attacks hardest right after moments of real spiritual clarity, because he knows the light you received was genuine.

That is exactly what is happening to you right now, mija-po. Your answer was real. Your answer is real. The Spirit that moved through our family on that call was real. Do not let the noise of second-guessing drown out what you already know.

...once there has been genuine illumination, beware the temptation to retreat from a good thing. If it was right when you prayed about it and trusted it and lived for it, it is right now. Don't give up when the pressure mounts. Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, "Cast Not Away Therefore Your Confidence"

Press forward, stop worrying.

Having doubts is normal. Don't beat yourself up about it, we all have them. But also, squash them. Have faith. Keep moving and do your best. Everything will be fine. Elder Bednar said this:

Press forward with faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. ...Be a good girl. Honor your covenants, keep your commandments, and I promise you in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ that your steps will be guided... You will be in the right place at the right time and in most instances, you'll have no idea why or how you got there. Elder David A. Bednar, "Quit Worrying About It! Is It the Holy Ghost or Me?"

He also said:

I watch so many members of the church who are paralyzed because they don't want to go unless they know they are under the influence of the Spirit.

The answer to that paralysis is not to sit still and keep analyzing. It is to press forward. The principle here - The Lord guides moving feet, not frozen ones.

He sees the end from the beginning. You do not have to.

God is not surprised by any of this. He knew before you were called to Puerto Montt that Natalie would eventually say yes to her mission. He knew BYU Provo would be right for you. He knew the timing of all of it. He has been working on your behalf, on the other side of the world and here at home, longer than you have been thinking about it.

From that same talk, if you recall, Elder Bednar spoke of a 20 Mark Note. Elder Bednar had no idea he was doing something spiritually significant when he handed Elder Packer those 20 Marks. He just thought the man might get hungry on a train. Twenty years later, the full picture came into view. You may not see the full picture of why the Lord is pointing you to Provo right now. That is okay. That is what faith is for.

"I will tell you in your mind and in your heart, by the Holy Ghost, which shall come upon you and which shall dwell in your heart. Now, behold, this is the spirit of revelation." - Doctrine and Covenants 8:2-3

Patience is part of the lesson.

One of the great life lessons you are learning right now, and it is not an easy one, is the space between receiving an answer and seeing its fulfillment. The Lord gave you an answer. He did not give you a full explanation, a floor plan, a roommate match, or a cost-of-living breakdown. He gave you peace and direction. The rest unfolds as you move forward with faith.

That gap between "I know" and "I can see it clearly" is where trust is built. It is where you stop leaning on your own understanding and start leaning on His. It is uncomfortable. It is supposed to be. That is the design.

Right now, your mission is ... your mission.

You are on the Lord's errand right now, and He needs all of you. Not 80% of you while the other 20% worries about housing applications. Not a distracted version of you mentally scrolling through roommate listings during companionship study. All of you.

Let's pause and think about it. You know that love you feel for queer hickey? That is the love that you are going to feel for the people of Chile and the 18 months you have served on your mission. When you are nearing the end of your mission, you are going to seriously reflect on how you spent your time. You will have fond memories, you will have some regrets, and you will have experience after experience to pull strength from. Be present. Right now, your mission is your mission.

Go forward.

You are the missionary He sent. You are the daughter He made. You are the woman who knelt with her family on both sides of the world and felt something real and true. Trust that. Honor that. Be there, fully there, for the work He has given you right now. The rest will unfold exactly as it should, in exactly His timing.

"Be still, and know that I am God" - Psalm 46:10

Te quiero un montón, mi niña,

I Love you more than words can express.

Dad

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